Finding the Child You Put Up For Adoption
Posted on November 2, 2007
Filed Under Finding Family |
Making the decision to put your child up for adoption can be one of the most painful and difficult decisions a parent can make. Depending on your situation though, it can also be the smartest decision for you and the child. Over time you may decide you would like to contact your birth child - which can be a very tricky matter. If you are a parent who put up a child for adoption and would now like to reconnect, you must be aware of the rigorous emotional journey ahead. For the purposes of this article, we will be focusing on birth parents searching for adult children. If you are a birth parent seeking a child who is still a minor it is a different process because you must go through the adopted parents (commonly referred to as “opening a closed adoption”).
Before you begin, it’s important to be comfortable with your reasons for searching, as well as what kind of search you want to do; either a passive or an active search. A passive search, also referred to as mutual consent, is where you make an effort to place the information concerning the adoption in places where your child could potentially find them. Passive reunion registries require both parties to register their consent for release of information before a match can be made. Once a match occurs, both parties are notified. These systems depend on both parties registering, a match being found, and the follow-up notification by a registry administrator. Many parents find this option ideal, as they feel it is ultimately the adoptee’s decision to reconnect or not. If this does not suit you, then you may want to consider an active search - where you actively pursue avenues to find information about your child’s current name and location. Active reunion registries do not require both parties to register their consent. Once one party is registered, a designated individual (often an agency or court representative) is assigned to contact those persons being sought and determine their wishes for the release of information. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be the one to initiate contact, but it will give you the ability to do so.
Whether you choose a passive or an active search, you will want to look into Adoption Reunion Registries. These are listings of those seeking to reconnect with members of their biological families, from whom they have been separated due to adoption. Some registries charge fees to participate and/or register and conclude a match. Registries that are not online usually require forms that are to be completed and mailed.
The next step is to familiarize yourself with the laws regarding release of non-identifying and identifying information in the state where the adoption was finalized. You might run into the issue of the state having a Confidential Intermediary Program, at which point you will want to contact the state department to find out costs and procedures.
Whichever path you choose, starting a journal to help you keep track of adoption information (which can become overwhelming) is recommended. It’s easy to forget where you’ve registered, people you’ve asked information of, and details that may not seem important at the time. You can also use the journal to log your thoughts and feelings about the search, which can sometimes jog your memory. Many people also keep a second journal of thoughts and feelings you want to share with your birth child when you reconnect.
If and when you finally do obtain contact information, you don’t need to contact them immediately. Take some time to decide if this is truly what you want to do. The outcome of a reunion could change your life forever. However, when you are completely ready and have the name of your child, you can use a people search engine like Private Eye to easily find phone numbers, addresses and possible relatives. It’s a quick and effective way to find your child, and start the beginning of the rest of your life.
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Ruby lee clark was forced by her mother to put her baby boy up for adoption straight from the hospital she never even got to hold him. she gave birth @ general/university hospital ruby was born july 28 1940. she was only 17 years old @ the time her baby boy was born. she has no memory of the date of birth but thinks it was 1957 or 1958. please someone contact us because he has 2 sisters and 2 brothers and alot of niece an nephews.
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